What Kills a Customer Relationship?

by Ken Mueller on July 6, 2012 · 37 comments

Send to Kindle

Larry Kent (left) and June Collyer (right) as ...

In social media and marketing we talk a lot about relationships. We talk about how business is often much more than just a transaction; how we need to humanize our business in such a way that we can truly build relationships that go beyond that of buyer and seller.

In the brick and mortal world, this usually comes natural for small businesses. As customers come through the door on a regular basis, we get to know them and value them.

Online, this becomes a bit more difficult, and our overuse of the word “relationship” has turned relationship building into something we analyze, overanalyze, and try to cram into some type of formula. I’ve read all sorts of posts on how to build relationships with your customers, with lists of things you should do. But I thought it might be more instructive to come at it from the other side.

What are the things that kill a relationship?

If we take a look at any sort of relationship, whether it’s a business relationship, friendship, or even romantic relationship, we know that they often fail. Sometimes, because of the actions or inactions of one or both parties, a relationship falls apart. It’s rarely pleasant, but it happens.

Relationships fail.

But why?

What causes friends to part ways? What causes two people to call it quits? And from a business perspective, what turns our customers against us so that they walk away?

If you look at friendships or even romantic relationships, there are a few factors that are usually present:

Lack of trust. Dishonesty. Inattentiveness.

But when you boil all of those down to their root cause, they all arise from the same thing:

Selfishness

When one person in a relationship puts their own interests ahead of those of the other person, things start to go wrong. Too often we treat our personal relationships as if they were business transactions:

What have you done for me lately?

We should never treat our personal relationships like business relationships: temporary, mercenary, and disposable. On the other hand, maybe we need to treat our business relationships like personal relationships.

As we deal with our customers, we need to avoid the thing that drives them away: selfishness.

Now of course this is a bit harder when we’re clearly in business to make money and earn a living. And of course the greater profit we make, the better. But we should try to be more focused on them than on ourselves. If our customers perceive us as selfish, they’ll be more willing to walk away. This is at the root of much of the general feelings many have about major corporations, banks, and big box stores; that they are only out for themselves. But even small businesses can fall prey to worrying more about themselves than the customer.

But just like in a personal relationship, the dividends of being selfless are great. When both parties in a personal relationship are focused more on each other than themselves, they both reap the benefits. The same can be true of a business relationship. Now we can’t expect our customers to be focused on us, but we can certainly focus on them; giving them attention and showing them that you value them.

Being selfless includes all areas of our business from products and services to customer service.

It’s not easy, especially when bills need to be paid, and we get caught up in the daily business of business, but it’s certainly worth it.

How are you trying to woo your customers by being selfless? Do you have examples of businesses that seem to put their customers ahead of their own interests?

 

Buffer
33 comments
samtaracollier
samtaracollier

@justinthesouth How's it going Justin?

JustInTheSouth
JustInTheSouth

@samtaracollier Oh you know. Waiting to video chat with you so I can go to bed. You?

annedreshfield
annedreshfield like.author.displayName 1 Like

I think trust certainly plays a role in a customer relationship. If a product fails because of something outside of your control (say, the Amazon outage that killed Instagram), a customer should trust the company enough to do all that they can. The customer probably won't abandon ship at the first sign of an outage. They'll probably wait, see what's going on (of course, the company's response should come immediately), and trust that the company will resolve the problem as soon as possible. If they don't, then their trust will undoubtedly waver.  

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @annedreshfield I think most customers can be pretty forgiving when they realize that a cause of a problem is outside of the control of a company. And even if it is in their control and they seek to solve the problem fast.  Definitely true. 

BestRoofer
BestRoofer

@kmueller62 That was a funny tweet. @ginidietrich

ginidietrich
ginidietrich

@BestRoofer Don't encourage him! @kmueller62

kmueller62
kmueller62

@BestRoofer @ginidietrich ha. i guess it would look funny...

katskrieger
katskrieger like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Inattentiveness! Yes. Experienced this very thing this week and the vendor lost my account. Then I had a fun little social listening. Sent out a tweet about their bad customer service. And who answered? Two of their competitors and another user that listens to online complaints and sends you the relevant CEO's email address. They finally did respond, but hours after the fact. 

 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

 @katskrieger That's a great example And I'm glad you shared your little social listening experiment. I was curious about that!

katskrieger
katskrieger

 @KenMueller I suppose in fairness I had already written them off when I wrote the tweet, but their lack of responsiveness set it in concrete, especially when their competitors were there offering help.

 

katskrieger
katskrieger

 @KenMueller Yeah, I think so. If someone had responded and really been stellar, I would have given them another chance.

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

 @katskrieger That makes sense. But they might have been able to salvage it if they responded in a great way. Maybe?

pavelnovel
pavelnovel like.author.displayName 1 Like

Great post. The customer-business relationship is exactly a relationship, and like you said, the things that destroys other relationships is what will make a business one. Now I totally agree that selfishness is the root of the failures of relationships; but with businesses, I think the problem is simpler that. I think the reason many customer relationships fail is because many businesses don't even realize that they're in a relationship with the customer. Many businesses are so focused on profit that they merely see customers as a course of revenue. Businesses can help prevent losing customer by simply recognizing that their customers are in a relationship with them, and are not there to merely supply them with money. Once businesses start to realize this, selfishness will decrease - but that too takes work. 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

 @pavelnovel You might be right. As customers, we want to wined and dined in some way. It doesn't have to be complex. Just don't treat us as a source of income, which in reality is what we are. Give us a reason to be in the relationship with you.

Mark_Harai
Mark_Harai like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Happy Friday Ken!

 

A selfish view of life is limiting and constraining. You simply cannot see or be part of anything bigger than yourself and that my friend is tiny, tiny thinking.

 

I found there are two types of people on the planet; and they don't have a choice in the matter; they're either driven to server or driven to take. One is thoughtful and motivated by people around them, the other is all about me.

 

Hmm, I wonder which one of these two mindsets has the greatest impact in the world..?

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @Mark_Harai exactly, but I'm not sure I agree that we don't have a choice. I think we can cultivate that.  I was raised in a family where we were taught to serve, and I've tried to pass that along to my kids.  

Mark_Harai
Mark_Harai like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @KenMueller I say that Ken, only because in my mind the choice is an obvious one; I mean, who would choose to be an idiot, right?

 

You demonstrate your gracious nature everyday on your blog. I'm absolutely convinced you've got some great kids. They've have  good example to follow...

 

Cheers Ken!

RebeccaTodd
RebeccaTodd like.author.displayName 1 Like

Thanks for this, Ken. To me, it all boils down to accountability for the effects of your words and actions. It seems that people act so selfishly sometimes, yet are completely surprised when people call them on it. Like it or not, we are judged on out outward actions, not our intent (or for the science nerds like me, we are judged on our phenotype and not on our genotype).

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @RebeccaTodd Good thoughts, Rebecca. No one likes to be called on things, even when we ask to be. I know of one or two people, including @ginidietrich , where we've talked about this. Actually saying to one another, "You'll tell me if i'm being a jerk, right?". And I know we both mean it, but it doesn't mean it will be easy if either of us actually has to follow thru!

RebeccaTodd
RebeccaTodd

 @KenMueller  @ginidietrich For better or worse, I always follow through on those pledges. I have a very low tolerance for lies, deceit, and general BS. Which leads to me being accused  of "shitting on people's dreams" and such just for honestly answering a question. Personally, I only want honest reactions, and surround myself with those that will call me on my crap when necessary.  I don't need vapid yes men.

Shonali
Shonali like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 3 Like

I don't know that I agree completely with this, Ken. There's a difference between being "selfish" and looking out for one's self. And if a relationship is to succeed, IMHO, then each person in that relationship has to be his/her best self... and you can only get there if you're looking out for yourself. So to me it's not about putting the other person's interests ahead of your own, it's putting the RELATIONSHIP's interests ahead of your own. E.g.: "If I do X, how will it impact my relationship with Y?" That is the fundamental question businesses have to ask and answer as well.

RebeccaTodd
RebeccaTodd like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @Shonali Good distinction, Shonali. 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

 @RebeccaTodd  @Shonali I would agree with you Shonali, and I think, as always, a lot of this is semantics. I think the problem is that too often businesses think only of themselves and not their customers. And while I think there is a subtle difference between putting the relationship interest's ahead of your own or your customer's interests, I think putting the relationship first is more about the customer than you. I've seen people put the relationship first when it's more about "How can I not blow this" rather than "How can I serve them better". Fine distinction, but I think it's important. 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

 @Shonali  @RebeccaTodd In reading over that quote I can see how you get that. I don't think I stated it clearly. My point is that I think if you put the customer first, it will actually be putting the relationship first. Probably a semantic difference.  (And, as I re-read my quote, even I'm confused!). 

Shonali
Shonali

 @KenMueller  You said: I've seen people put the relationship first when it's more about "How can I not blow this" rather than "How can I serve them better". .. well, to me, that's totally NOT putting the relationship first, that's "How can i save my a$$?" which is completely self-serving!@RebeccaTodd 

CarlaBobka
CarlaBobka like.author.displayName 1 Like

Too much uncertainty kills relationships. I don't know if your going to call, you don't keep me in the loop, I don't know how much it is or how it really works, you haven't explained your invoicing clearly enough...

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

 @CarlaBobka I think some of that comes from laziness; not wanting to take the time. Which in my mind, is another thing that kills relationships: focusing on short term rather than long term. If we're in it for the short term quick pay off, we act differently than if we are cultivating something for the long term. long term takes more effort and perhaps even money, but the payoff might be better in the long run.

kmueller62
kmueller62

@QuentinLevy @iovox @TheJackB thanks for the shares, gang!

kmueller62
kmueller62

@mvanpay thanks for sharing, Mark!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] What Kills a Customer Relationship? (inklingmedia.net) [...]

  2. [...] What Kills a Customer Relationship? (inklingmedia.net) [...]

  3. [...] What Kills a Customer Relationship? – Customer relationships fail all the time, due to price, poor service or product failure. Businesses can save these relationships simply by focusing more on their customers than they do on themselves. [...]

  4. [...] What Kills a Customer Relationship? (inklingmedia.net) [...]

Previous post:

Next post: