Friday Blogging Experience: The Problem with Winter Storm Names

by Ken Mueller on December 6, 2013 · 6 comments

English: Cleaning up after a snow storm in Bor...

I’m going out on a limb and making the early call: we will have a white Christmas of semi-epic proportions here in Lancaster. And when it happens, I’ll be sending you all back here to read this so I can gloat about my meteorological prowess. Of course, if it doesn’t happen (and it will), I’ll either delete this post or come back and change it. Boom.

What got me to thinking about this was the list of winter storm names that was released not long ago by the fine folks at You see, the National Weather Service names tropical storms and hurricanes, but the Weather Channel decided that our winter storms needed names, too. Which is fine. But take a look at this list.

Pretty pathetic if you ask me. And while Cleon has packed quite the punch for a good bit of our country, I have to question the naming.

Cleon? Really? That sounds like the name of the guy who cuts hair at the corner barber shop.

“Hey, Cleon, can you take a little off the top and give me a nice trim?”

And then there’s Falco. Uh, the guy who brought us “Rock Me, Amadeus?”


 And yeah, I know there’s a mythology theme going on here, but Wiley? I don’t think any Roman or Greek God was ever named Wiley, and if there was one, no one would take him seriously.

Wiley, God of Accounting?

When it comes to winter and impending snowfall, there are generally two schools of thought. There are those who are disappointed when the projections are way off, and want every snowfall to be like the apocalypse, and those who hate the snow and rush out to buy milk, eggs, bread, and toilet paper even if we’re looking at one flurry. Two years ago, we suffered from Snowtober and got our snow out of the way early, and after that, we got next to nothing.

So I decided to come up with my own list of names for storms, which could be modified on the fly to better reflect the intensity of, or lack thereof, the storm. Sure there will be some misnomers, but isn’t that always the case? We’re waiting for a dusting, and end up with two-feet, or else get prepared for the worst only to have rain. And I don’t blame the weathermen for this. Some of my closest friends are meteorologist. After all, they’re stuck working with all that fuzzy scientific data stuff.

So here is my list of potential winter storm names, which I hope the meteorological community will embrace in the near future. And yes, they can have them for free, as long as they give me the snow I want, when I want it! Take a look and see if you have any better suggestions we might add:

Realistic Winter Storm Names

Are You Kidding Me??

Bring it!



Enough Already…




Instagrammable Amounts

Just. stop. now.

Keep away



Not In My Backyard!

Over it




STOP already!

Too Much




Xanthic (look it up…)


Zip it, Mother Nature!

That’s my list, and many of them can serve double duty regardless or whether we get hammered or get nothing.

What are your additions to the list?



Maybe we should just rate storms instead of naming them. You know - 6 roll, 12 roll, 24 megaroll or pint of milk, quart, gallon etc.


You definitely need one about Southerners freaking out about flurries.


If you're gonna have winter storm Quagmire on that list, you may as well have winter storm Giggity Giggity on there, too.

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