Getting Over the Social Media Creep Factor

by Ken Mueller on June 26, 2012 · 31 comments

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Getting over social media's creep factor

One man’s cool is another man’s creepy.

When it comes to social media, and particularly when new platforms are introduced, or new features are added to existing platforms (or existing features changed), I generally hear two reactions. Either:

“Hey, that’s pretty cool!”

or,

“Ew, that’s creepy…”

For some reason, social networks, and particularly Facebook, tend to prompt rather visceral reactions. Just yesterday I saw a post on Mashable about a new feature of the Facebook mobile app that allows you to find friends nearby. They ended the short piece with this rather loaded sentence:

Does this new feature seem useful or creepy?

For some reason, people who spend a lot of time on Facebook, and love it for all that it is, also often use words like “creepy” and “stalker” about the platform. Some have even dubbed it “Stalkerbook”. When I meet or talk to someone for the first time, I’ll often go to Facebook to see what more I can learn about them. After all, they put that information on there, and made it available to me. My kids think I’m being a stalker. I call it research.

Here’s the thing folks: Any social platform you use, you are there at their pleasure.

Facebook is free. You sign up and create an account, and by doing so, you agree to their rules. It’s the price we pay for deciding we want to use the platform.

So if you think it’s creepy that someone can hit a button to find out if you’re nearby, just make sure you don’t put that information out there. Just about every feature on Facebook can be turned off, or even set for any number of privacy levels. Remember when we used to spend time worrying about checking in some place on Foursquare because we were sure would-be burglars are watching our every move, just waiting to ransack our homes?

If you’re truly and honestly concerned about privacy and “creepers”, you have a few options:

a) Don’t go there – Seriously, if you’re that worried about it, no one says you have to be on Facebook or any other social platform. I mean, most of them didn’t even exist five or ten years ago. You lived without them before, you can certainly live without them again.

b) Filter yourself - I know that’s hard for some of us, but don’t just tell everyone things. You might have this false sense of security because you’re behind a computer screen, but we really can see what you’re writing. Remember those times you post things on Facebook and you get upset that no one notices or comments? Well, if you want us to see those things, we’ll also see the things you should probably keep to yourself. Status updates like:

“I’m going to the store and my house will be empty, with the key under the doormat, for the next four hours.”

or

“My husband just left on business and I’m an attractive young female. Whatever shall I do while I’m home all alone for the next three days?”

are probably not good choices. Use your head.

c) Understand the platforms and their capabilities – Every platform I’ve ever used has a wide variety of privacy settings. Heck, Facebook allows you to post status updates and information that only you can see and no one else. Not sure why that option is there, but the point is, there are privacy settings. Use them. It’s your job to play around with the settings so that you are safe and secure. Don’t expect Facebook to do it for you, or ask your friends to change their settings so they don’t see your posts. That’s like walking out the front door and yelling to the neighbors,

“Hey, turn your head the other way. Don’t look at me. I’m NAKED!”

So yeah, use those privacy settings. Put some clothes on and shut the curtains.

On the other side of things, if you’re using social media for business purposes, or are collecting user information on your website, go out of your way to explain to people what you are collecting, why you are collecting, and how you are going to use it. Even if you are offering something great through a loyalty program, make sure people understand what you’re getting out of the deal in return.

Be open and transparent, and don’t abuse the privilege. Think about how you like to be treated as someone who uses social media.

And again, as a user, remember that you choose to be there. You are in control of what you share, with whom, and on which platform. Whether it be Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare, or any of them.

If you feel the need to share, but don’t want people knowing, there’s always MySpace!

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29 comments
annedreshfield
annedreshfield

I find it pretty hard to believe that your kids don't do the same thing, Ken. Isn't that what EVERYONE uses Facebook for? Heck, my mom will text me to ask me about a comment or link that was posted on my wall...and it has nothing to do with her. But she likes to see who's talking to me and why, so she lurks/stalks/whatever you want to call it. 

I think really long and hard about what I share on a platform like Facebook. A lot of people have commented that I don't put that much stuff up on there anymore (at least during the school year), and it's true. I hate it when other people broadcast their thoughts several times on a daily basis. I don't get it. And I don't want to do that myself, so I don't. Editing yourself has got to be one of the most important aspects of using social media platforms. 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

@annedreshfield Oh, my daughter does it all the time. But my boys are...different.

And now that I know your mother is reading, I can have fun posting things on your wall. Hmmmmm.....

bdorman264
bdorman264

Hey, I've heard about that MySpace; think that's where all the cool people will be?

I too have those reactions with one other included and it is 'what now?' Is it something I'm going to have to start paying attention to again? 

Don't be so paranoid you can't enjoy using it, but don't be too naive either. 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

@bdorman264 I think we just take things for granted, jump in, and assume it's all on our terms. For it to be on our terms, we have to know what THEIR terms are, and make those smart decisions.

jasonkonopinski
jasonkonopinski

I think this is part of the reason why Path is experiencing a new level of growth - to be social with a core group of people on a level that Twitter & Facebook simply don't allow by design.  

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

@jasonkonopinski I've tried Path but gave up when they kept telling me my email address was invalid. I tried contacting them and no response. Same email address i use for everything else. But I think there are a lot of limitations in the all or nothing aspect of Path. With Facebook, I use the lists which are incredibly easy to put together. Twitter is much more difficult, and as such, I use it very differently.

jasonkonopinski
jasonkonopinski

@KenMueller I had a problem early on with Path, tweeted @PathService and they took care of it for me. Easy peasy.

Some days I use Path to share photos to FB & Twitter because of the nifty post-processing filters, but mostly it's a way to stay connected with a tightly knit group of friends and colleagues on a very different level.  I'm a definite fan.  As an app, there's a definite focus on visual sharing vs. textual which I like as well - and it's there without the brand emphasis. 

I haven't done much work with FB Lists, truth be told.  

geoffliving
geoffliving like.author.displayName 1 Like

This is a really good post, Ken.  I definitely parse my social media usage, and am moving Soleil photos off of Facebook as she moves towards 2 years old.  There are too many creeps out there, and I need to know who is seeing the photos.

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

@geoffliving The beauty of this is that you are taking control. And you are making your own choices. I use Facebook in ways that eliminates that factor. the lists are so easy to use and I post things that are just meant for family members or small groups. No one else can see that material.

geoffliving
geoffliving

I can't go back and manage 4k plus into lists. better to move on to Path.

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

@geoffliving Oh, I wasn't even thinking in terms of marketing, hence my reference to close friends and family. Most of mine have never even heard of Path, so it isn't a great option for me. I think they need to expand beyond a solely mobile platform, and open it up a bit more. I just don't think most of us compartmentalize our lives that easily.

With that in mind, that's why most of my updates on Facebook are public. I have nothing to hide, plus it's my own little experiment in living very openly. The aspects of my life that are very private, I either don't share online, or use private messages or even those intermediary Facebook lists. 

I'd love to sit down and find a way to quantify, over the course of a week, how I communicate with which people using which media, and for which purposes. Would be an interesting undertaking, but I guess I'd need some kind of program to log all of my online and offline communications activities.

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

@jasonkonopinski In terms of Pew, no specific study, but the work in aggregate. Certainly some of Marlow's work, but more the work of Lee Raine, Amanda Lenhart, Aaron Smith and others. 

In terms of neuroscience, some great stuff coming out of the University College London. This is an older article, but they are really helping us understand how our brain continues to change and adapt. http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/oct/19/facebook-friend-differences-brain-structure

And we're all behind on our reading. Only 24 hours in a day. That's one thing that hasn't changed!

geoffliving
geoffliving like.author.displayName 1 Like

Oh, I think it works just fine. I like my 50+ friends, and I don't necessarily want more. It's for my personal enjoyment, not for marketing. Not everything in life is about messaging and becoming popuular.

jasonkonopinski
jasonkonopinski

@KenMueller Do you mean Cameron Marlow's work with Facebook? I need to catch up on some of the new Pew research; I'm woefully behind on my reading in those areas.

Links? 

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

@jasonkonopinski But Dunbar himself is now backing off on this as he studies the relationship between online and offline connections. Pre-social media we didn't have the ability to connect with as many people, and the new research on the brain, as well as studies by Pew and Dunbar's current research on Facebook is finding we can handle much more. 

One of the things the Internet and social networks has done is open up all sorts of new areas of study in the field of neuroscience. We have barely scraped the surface but now know a lot more about how the brain develops and changes over time, when just ten-years ago science told us it was fully developed in our late teens. 

With under 3-million users (and slowing), I'm hard pressed to find more than 3 people on Path who would fit within those circles for me, but admittedly, I use social very differently than most. 

I'll be curious to see how Path pans out, since their revenue model is predicated upon people buying premium features within a free app. So far they aren't doing well with that.

jasonkonopinski
jasonkonopinski

@KenMueller @geoffliving The 150 limit is one of its most appealing features, IMO - and that number isn't an accident; it plays out sociologically in Dunbar's Number - the suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable (and meaningful) social relationships.  

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator

@geoffliving But there you are limited to 150, and what are the odds the right people are on Path? I have very few of what Path considers "close friends" on there. They are all on FB, and you don't have to manage all of them. For my close friends & family list, the people with whom I share the most private stuff, we're talking under 50 people. Took under 5 minutes to do. And I create and add to other lists on the fly.

annelizhannan
annelizhannan like.author.displayName 1 Like

The pleasure of this post was all mine, couldn't agree with you more.   Jeepers creepers where did you get those peepers- don't fall asleep at the wheel of the platform you are driving or don't use heavy machinery if you haven't read the instructions. 

Thanks

Anneliz

KenMueller
KenMueller moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

@annelizhannan I like the vehicle analogy; it works well. How many of us have truly read the instructions??

annelizhannan
annelizhannan

@KenMueller I must admit, I usually wing some of these platforms at first. I usually get myself in trouble and then go back and read the instructions. I have all my apps on FB set to 'only me' but still hear that people get some of the nonsense about things I follow. I only post once a day yet it seems every thing I 'like' gets posted. I would hate to think I am spamming anyone.  Too bad, I may have to stop liking, which I feel is self defeating of social media. 

I still haven't figured out GooglePlus to really make it work and I have Guy's book sitting here in my stack. I am waiting for you to do a post ;).

LizJostes
LizJostes like.author.displayName 1 Like

I love this oh-so-much! You know how I feel about creepers!

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