Guest Post: Social Media as Therapy

This week’s guest post is from my friend Brenda Boitson. As with many of these posts, Brenda is someone I met through Twitter as she is part of our local Twitter community. Brenda is one of those rare, WYSIWYG people. At times she wears her heart on her sleeve, and you know when you follow her that you’re getting the real deal. When I heard Brenda’s story about being widowed at such a young age, and how Social Media has helped her deal with the grief, I knew I had to ask her to put her thoughts down for me, as it speaks to the power of online community. Here is her story.

My PC-inept late husband first taught me about “friending” on Facebook. It was just a taste of social media, and I was hooked. When he passed on October 28, 2008 at 36 years of age, it was social media that kept me connected with the outside world to tell of our struggle with disease, and my new struggle with widowhood.

Kevin was diagnosed in early August 2008 with an extremely rare Angiosarcoma tumor; I felt it would be impossible to keep everyone in his hometown of Winnipeg, Manitoba, and all of our friends and family, connected with instant updates. The impossibility went away with the start of our blog. On the blog I kept everyone informed of the constant tests, procedures, surgeries, and new diagnosis that arose in just a few short months. Blogging allowed me to vent about frustrations with the hospitals, ask for prayer when we needed it that second, and to avoid the hundreds of questions that were being asked by friends and family. It gave me an outlet to a world that hadn’t stopped just because we were now living in a hospital, praying for a miracle.

When Kevin passed, blogging allowed me to talk freely of my grief in losing my husband of 1.5 years when I was just 24 years old. I could no longer process things in my brain, and the keystrokes allowed me to think out what was happening to my life, to my dreams, to my future. It also gave me a connection other Sarcoma patients and families, and to other young widows. Becoming a widow at such a young age secludes you to an amazing degree. I now blog here.

When a cousin suggested I start a Twitter account last summer, I hesitated, not understanding all the excitement. It took some time to get a handle on the flow, but once I connected myself with a local Tweetup group here in Lancaster, I finally felt connected again to the outside world.

Tweeting as “Crazywidow” for personal and “BLBoitson” for my pen name, I have discovered many other young widows, and even a few Angiosarcoma connections, that have allowed me to offer some knowledge on the subject of young grief and a rare disease. Normally an unspoken topic, I hope to bring attention to young grief by opening the door to conversation and showing the world that we want to share our story, however painful it may be. I am breaking the barrier of what we should and should not say when someone is grieving, and hope to give others the tools to help us process, and the right words to say. “That sucks” is a phrase I often tell people to say when someone hears of young grief and disease. Because, frankly, it does.

Just a few months ago, I realized that Tweeting to others in my community had become the unspoken words I would have been saying to my husband. My cat just stares at me when I say phrases like, “You wouldn’t BELIEVE what I saw at the gym today”, but when I Tweet it, I get feedback! Putting out the simple things of showing someone my new toy, or a fabulous new dish I baked, help me feel connected to someone else again, even if it is a complete stranger. It fills the void of daily conversation with my husband, even if just a little.

I am currently planning Team Sarcoma events for 2010 to raise money to support Sarcoma Research and to help families dealing with the disease. Social networking is helping me connect with community members, friends, and family, to meet the goals ahead and make it a great fund-raising venture. I also hope to connect with local business and non-profits to organize speaking engagements to talk about young grief and loss, and give awareness to a taboo topic.

Social Media has provided a type of ‘cure’ for my young widowhood. The friends that I lost because of this journey are long forgotten, but because of my second life, I have met tons of new ones and been able to share with them the often untold story of grief. Instead of shutting out the world, I chose to immerse myself in it via social media, and that has brought me much healing and opportunity. While many choose Social Media as a tool to succeed in business, I choose it to help succeed at life, and to acknowledge that there is grace and hope in a second life that was unwanted.

Tagged as: facebook, grief, Social Media, Twitter